When I think about the memories that were destroyed because of him it makes me glad that I finally did good for myself by erasing him. I finally realized I couldn't change the past and that the scar will always hurt, and that there's nothing left of us worth trying to save.

Despite how much I wish this had never happened, it worked out didn't it? I found my real friends because of it. I found the people I can go to for anything, the people that never let me down when I needed them, the people who stood by and spoke gently to me while I screamed in pure agony because the pain of my emotions was too much to handle.

Do I dare say...thank you? Thank you for leading me on. For showing me what you really are and for teaching me how to distinguish between a true friend that will never walk away, and a friend that is only there until I become boring.

Thank you for teaching me that I can't change the past, but I can change the future. Of all my failed attempts to try to change the past by trying to rekindle the friendship, I finally realized that it will never happen. We will never be like we used to. A wound can't heal if the bullet's still inside.

But I can use this, and I have been using this. I'm using it as a lesson, as a reference point, and I'm stopping it from happening again. If there is ever a chance I can stop a friendship from fading or stop a heart from shattering or stop someone's self-destruction, I now know how to do it. I can do it all. And I've done it, I've done it many times. I have used this scar you put on me as a weapon against any future chance of that day being reborn, for me, or for anyone. I will never forget that day. Because the moment I forget, I will forget how to fight it. While it still hurts and while I'm still recovering, I will always been there to stop that day from repeating. I will always be there to blot it out.

And I am happy. Against all this darkness and hatred you shoved on me, against all the hopelessness I was left with that night, all the hollowness, the disbelief, the loneliness...Now, I am happy.

Without you.


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